C.J. Brown
is retiring after Saturday’s game and yet, I really didn’t think it would happen.
You know what I mean -- the thought of C.J. calling it a day at the end of this season hung over Fire fan’s heads like a dead haze. The question came up almost annually the past few years, but back C.J. would come. So even with today’s announcement, there’s still some disbelief.
It wasn’t this way for me all season. Back in May when C.J. hit 350 games played across all competitions for the Fire – the third most all-time for any MLS player – I asked him if he thought he could catch the retired Cobi Jones for second-most all time.
His answer: “No chance. You’re talking about 40-some games to catch up, I’m not sure that’s going to be possible. We’ll see. I’m working hard every day and still playing well. If I can stay healthy things could look good for that to happen.”
He kept hope alive for the end of the season and that was good enough for me.
As the year went on, the amount of matches to be played became fewer and a playoff spot went from attainable to out of reach – there again the question lurked. Brian McBride’s retirement announcement on September 3 only heightened the speculation – would C.J. go as well?
I was fortunate enough to have him join me on last Wednesday’s All-In podcast. The day after a pretty dismal 2-0 loss to the Kansas City Wizards, a game where the last remaining Fire Original took a beating, C.J. still agreed to do it.
He limped into Conference Room 3 at Toyota Park with a big ice pack covering the gash on his knee he received from a tackle the night before and candidly answered questions about the game, the season and the club’s history.
After asking him to give his thoughts on
Brian McBride
’s career, I turned the question to him and asked where he was in evaluating his status for 2011. If you listen to the interview, I kind of trip over my words in my questions where I reiterate how much closer he is to Jones (22 games) than he was back in May. It wasn’t because I didn’t know how to end it, but while I was asking, C.J. began to sniffle and proceeded to pull a tissue out of his pocket.
Not knowing what to do, if he was about to announce his retirement on the podcast, I was thankful as he wiped his nose while giving this response:
“I sit with my wife and I talk with my parents trying to figure out what the best route is for me and if I should continue to play. None of my motivations are about breaking records, its more of how the team’s going to be, am I going to be effective for the team? I don’t want to be a player that’s not useful. Do I have to start every game? No. but I want to be sure that whoever is starting ahead of me deserves it and pushing and working. There’s a lot of stuff that goes into figuring out if you can come back and play another year. Physically, is my body going to hold up? I took a beating this year…”
The night after taking two very hard knocks, the last part of that quote took rung so true. It almost summed up much of his year. I think there was a streak of four or five games where C.J. took a shot to the head, be it a boot, an arm, another head – it led you to wonder how he kept bouncing back up.
“…I don’t know,” he continued. “If I do come back, there are obviously a lot of decisions like that I have to make, if I don’t, I can always say I had a great time here. It’s probably not the type of year you would want to finish on but if you put all the years together, we’ve had more positives than negatives – you try to focus on the positives I guess.”
Even with that quote, as he got up at the end of the interview, taking off the ice pack to reveal the gash on his leg, I felt he wasn’t done – he truly seemed like he wanted to keep playing, even as he limped away saying goodbye. Maybe it was hope, but the vibe and body language you received, from a player that was sick and physically ailing the day after a tough loss wasn’t the same that I got from him back in May.
Just a week on from that interview and now knowing that loss to Kansas City would be his final match at Toyota Park, it’s certainly bittersweet. Still suffering from the illness he had during the week, C.J. was on the substitute’s bench but was held out of last Saturday’s 0-0 draw with D.C. United as American legend McBride took his final bow at Toyota Park.
Despite the illness, C.J. represented the players during the post-game tribute to McBride, thanking him for his contributions to the club and American Soccer and afterwards, C.J. did what he always does at the end of the season, heading to the North end of the stadium to greet and sign autographs with Section 8.
He was never the best player on the field and he certainly wasn’t flashy – he’d be the first one to admit it. He wasn’t an offensive weapon either – in 372 career matches, C.J. scored a total of five goals.
He did however provide stability on the backline. He was stout and steady, a complete rock in defense. He was gritty, never shied away from a challenge, took his lumps and seemingly continued to ask for more. Only once did he play less than 20 games in a season and even this year, what will be his final season with the club, has played more minutes any Fire player. While most guys would go home after training, C.J. headed to his other job – working a full day as the Associate Director of Coaching for the Chicago Fire Juniors in Naperville.
As far as club history goes, and the way it may relate to a certain marketing slogan, for all intents and purposes, C.J. Brown is the Fire.
Though it hardly seems a fitting exit to an illustrious career,
Thank you, C.J., I still don't want to believe it.
